Dating

A generalization of the current energetic direction I experience around dating. I probably have beliefs that are blocking me, like everyone :)

What I want

I crave the inclusion of more intimacy, sexual exploration & ‘romantic’ energy in my life. I am partly truly longing for it. Additionally, the longing itself is influenced by a deep wound: the pain & suffering of the unmet need for intimacy for many years.

I deeply question in-society monogamous romantic relationships. I deeply question it because:

Simply questioning it brings up many triggers in most people. It seems very hard to have an honest, open-to-not-knowing conversation about it. Which, to me, is already a sign that there must be something deeply wrong about it.
My parents stayed together for many years without really loving each other.
I wonder if my grandparents even really loved each other in the first place.
I think there is a relationship between the way we have relationships and the suffering in the world.
The relationship escalator

I question (and applaud the concept of) polyamory.

It seems to often be about sex in one way or another.
How can people have multiple relationships while maintaining a single one seems to be such a challenge already…?
Isn’t it selfish?

I question dating culture.

How can we ever heal when we’re actively creating masks?
Why are apps with a commercial incentive influencing our intimate relationships?
Why does alcohol play such a big role in this?
I can’t even begin to describe how many patterns of suffering the dating energy creates…

I don’t have a 100% negative view of these things - there is also good, like with all things.

I want to be authentic. I want to be present, real & honest. I want to build from that place. I want to be loyal.

I see myself as having a relationship with everyone. And that relationship can be anywhere on the scale of closeness, intimacy, sexuality etc. No need to put any of these into boxes. But rather explore together & be open to not knowing. I don’t have it all figured out - I have a wish to figure things out in relation.

That being said - because not a lot of people share this view - it is incredibly hard for me to fulfill my needs (especially given that I already have a trauma related to this). Therefore it’s quite a challenge for me to truly be consistent to what I want. And really have no expectations of others (which includes not having them show up in my subconscious). I will make mistakes and I think I’m currently quite far on the way of really being okay with my mistakes & taking responsibility of them.

p.s. Relationship anarchy shares many of my ideas - my view is perhaps a more spiritual / less political one.

What I desire

Idealistic community living where everyone has a relationship with everyone (there is no distinction of the romantic) and there is zero taboo on sexuality - instead it is positively framed as a healing tool / aliveness and the community cares for the sexual needs of all its members.

What I desire but not actually want

Fullfillment of all my sexual fantasies.

What I’m willing to give in to

A few months of exclusivity is easy for me. Monogamy? Perhaps. Depends on the person and what is ‘real’ for us. Same goes for polyamory. I am willing to spend energy to try to understand your world first before we dive into mine.

What I give in to but ultimately doesn’t make me happy

The relationship escalator. Loose (sexual) relationships.

What do you want?

I’d love to hear.

Deal-breakers

A strict following of the social norms. Judging me or my reality and not being open to the possibility that you could be judging me.

Nice-to-know

I am 99% sure I don’t want children. I believe the world is too traumatized at the moment to put children into (not judging those who do).
I am not planning on getting a career, buying a house or any of the ‘normal’ patterns.
I might travel for a few months per year, but for the most part need my community and structure at home.
I spend most of my life on spirituality (which is also just a way of living…). Ideally my partner would be into it as well so we can spend more of our lives together - but perhaps there’s a way it would work without?
I had big traumas in my life which mean I need a lot of alone time. I tend to not bring the trauma into relationships, as long as I have enough alone time. I’m willing to receive support if it is unconditionally given, and it is the support I need.
My love languages are mostly deep listening and giving touch.
My biggest needs are static cuddling, being deeply listened to and authentic sexual exploration.
I love containers for listening, touch and know / have created quite a few that enable deep connection.